Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Looking back and letting go

Pickup trucks have a way of making me feel nostalgic. Perhaps because my very first car was a truck; a 1952 Chevy. Cost me $380 saved up from working at the State Fair. Until my divorce seven years ago, with the exception of not even a handful of years, I always owned a truck. I had one on loan this past weekend, and today used it to catch up on truck chores.

The first load was delivered to the dump by 10. Feels so good letting go, like weight is being lifted off of me with each full garbage bag I tossed into the pit of garbage. I went through old boxes and finally was able to let go of childhood mementos…things that mattered at one time, but that I don’t need any more. I have my memories, they are good enough. Now that the garage is "almost" finished...the house is next. I’m excited to see what more I can let go of. By the time I’m finished I’ll feel like I can fly.

Then I took a load of brush; tree limbs and yes, last year’s Christmas tree, to the burn pile on my ex’s property. More nostalgia greeted me there. I look at each tree we planted and remember picking them out for the color the leaves turned in the fall. They surround the house so you can hardly see it from the lane now. And Jesse, my old dog, can’t hear or see well anymore. But, dang, she’s got to be at least thirteen now. I remember the day we brought her home and if I remember right she got car sick on the way to her new home.

I let go of a lot of things these past seven years; people, pets, my home, a life I had expected would be mine forever. But, while visiting makes me nostalgic, letting go was the best thing I’ve ever done, and perhaps one that took the most courage. It’s the hard things in life that we tend to remember the most; the first morning Mer and I said goodbye to the pigs the day they were going to be butchered (and both of us crying all the way to her school), the time I climbed South Sister and Mt. St. Helens, the snowshoe trip in the blizzard for a weekend stay at a fire lookout, selling our last horse (and letting go of that lifelong dream), telling my husband that I needed to leave, saying goodbye to my parents and assuring them that I was going to be okay without them. Each tough moment made me who I am today.

But my life has become stagnant these past three or four years. Sure I lost 50+ pounds. And I lift just because it is hard, because that hour in the weight room is the only time right now I am pushing myself. But I need something more. I am nostalgic for the times I made myself go beyond my comfort zone. It’s time to risk a little… to make a life worth remembering, to make life worth living.

Tuesday’s workout (focus on shoulders down, chest up, slow and steady to focus on the contraction of the muscles being worked.)
Close grip underhand pulldowns 90# x 12, 12, 10
Wide grip lat pulldown 60# x 12, 11, 10
Seated rows 50# x 12, 10, 10
BB rows 50# x 12, 10, 10
BB curls 30# x 11, 10, 10
Incline DB curl 12.5 x 13, 12, 11
Alternate hammer curls 12.5# x 12 (each side), 12, 11

Now I’m beat, but…one of Merran’s friends just invited me to Zumba, and you know me, I’m not good at saying no. So I’m meeting her at 8. :)

Monday's workout
Chest/triceps day. Realized I’ve been shrugging my shoulders/rounding my back in too many exercises lately in my attempt to go heavier. New goal is shoulders back, chest up. Amazing how that little focus can make a difference in how I feel the contraction in the muscle I’m supposed to be working

Incline press 75# x 6, 65# x 10, 10
Flat bench flyes 20# x 12, 15, 14 (need to suck it up and increase the weight)
Bench 65# x 12, 85# 6, 80# x 8 (one of the trainers said I can ask him for a spot anytime, and he’s going to make sure I don’t avoid him…great…the pressure is on.)
Tricep pressdown 60# x 15, 10, 9
One arm cable tricep ext 20# x 10, 10, 10 (only did 15# last week, so bonus)
Incline tricep ext (ex bar – don’t know the weight of the bar so just reporting the added weight) 20# x 12, 10, 10
DB tricep kickback 15# x 10 (bad form) 12,5# x 15, 12

1 comment:

  1. this post speaks to me on so many levels. I think you know what I am talking about. I've had to also let go of some things in my life these past few weeks. things that were huge parts of my life. but letting go is so freeing! there is no need to hang on any more. It is time to let go and take flight!
    I am so proud of you!